Shutter
by Soulreciever
Summary: Three moments of Justin's life from the first series. JustinBrian BrianMichael
1. one

Shutter.

1. Exposure one. 

T: My first jaunt into the fandom but I'm not new to so please don't be afraid to give constructive criticism. I'm still a relative newbie to the series and so expect season one spoilers only, apart from that there is slash (a given) angst and a little supposition on my part that could make the characters a little OOC. Also the fic is a set of three drabbles so don't expect too much as far as plot goes! I own nothing you see here, even the plot bunny was inspired by someone else!!

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Curiosity had lead him up the stairs and into Michael's room; it'd also lead him to take a photo from the many on the notice board against one wall.

Looking at the photo of a younger Michael and Brian stood together he'd felt suddenly cold and very alone.

Despite Brian's words, despite all that the older man had done to push him away, he had held onto the naive belief that the other cared for him, that all he had to do was push and he would get everything that he wanted.

Looking at the photo of the pair he had understood that Michael had already claimed as much of Brian's heart as the older man felt willing to give, understood that there was a history and a devotion between the pair that he would never be able to undermine.

He yearned, desperately, to be able to go back to that time, to be a part of Brian's life as Michael had and yet he knew that such a thing was impossible.

Looking at the photo he had felt a little more of his childish innocence fall away, had felt his resolve grow all the stronger, then Brian's sent had filled his nose and his thoughts were consumed by the heat of his lust.

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T: Nothing to say other than to request that you review please!


	2. two

2. Exposure two.

T: Warnings remain the same and I still own nothing you see here!

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At first he had thought that things would be better now that Brian had 'let Michael go', that with the other out of their lives he could work himself closer to Brian's heart.

Then he had seen, first hand, how badly the separation was affecting Brian and, with Daphne's encouragement, he'd decided to do something to bring them together again.

Desperate for inspiration he'd flicked his way through Michael's old year books, searching out photos of the pair and learning as much of the life they'd lead together as possible.

The reminder that such a wealth of time and care existed between the pair stung and yet he had come to accept things for what they were, had come to accept that there would always be _something_ between the pair no matter how hard anyone tried to tare them apart.

With that acceptance had come a new sort of maturity and slowly he had come to appreciate the odd sort of care that Brian gave to him, had come to accept that the older man's gruff and occasionally ambivalent manner was as a self defence mechanism created to protect Brian from the harder realities of the world.

He knew now that the other lashed out only when he felt vulnerable, knew that each hard word the other spoke to him was a challenge and that the only way he was going to get closer to Brian was to meet those challenges head on.

It was not what he had imagined it to be, yet such a thing seemed to matter little when he was caught in the warmth of Brian's embrace and the other was looking at him as though he was the only precious thing left within the world.

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T: Review please!!


	3. three

3.Exposure three.

T: Warnings the same and disclaimer the same!

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As he had sat on the cold concrete, cradling Justin's head in his hands, his mind had flooded with images of the other.

He had clung to the memories with a fierce desperation, focusing his mind on the feel of the younger man's clothes beneath his hands, the tone of his voice as he had talked, the fresh scent of his skin, anything other than the sticky warmth of the other's blood or the ever decreasing pace of his breath.

He yearned, so very desperately, to wake up and for the matter to be simply a dream. Yearned for the chance to hold Justin and know that he was alive, that everything was as it should be. He yearned, also, for the chance to go back to the man he had been before this had happened, yearned to be impassive once more and yet both desires were unattainable things.

He could not turn back time, could not undo what had been done. Nor would he ever be able to forget the sickness that was lurking in his stomach or the realisation that if Justin died a part of him would die also.

He could not forget and yet perhaps he might distract himself from the memories for a while, might be able to fool himself into believing that everything was okay and that he still felt nothing for the boy he could see through the glass of the doorway.

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T: This is the last one so, if you haven't already reviewed please do so!


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